Why we should forgive

Forgiving others is a requirement for all Christians and we can see from Mark 11:25 that it is essential if we too want to be forgiven. If forgiving were easy, we wouldn't use the expression releasing forgiveness.

As it is such an important topic, we need to be sure about what God teaches us about this topic through the Bible. Here are some myths and misconceptions that exist about forgiveness.

1. Forgiven is Forget

It is very common to hear that those who forgave should not remember the situation that made them have to forgive. But, when we forgive, does God erase our memory? No, forgiveness is not amnesia.

We are beings created by God with a memory, that is, we will often remember the offense or the feeling when we were offended. This often works as a protection mechanism, so that we can take measures so that this situation does not happen again.

But attention! If we remember what happened and feel hurt, it's probably because we haven't truly forgiven. Forgiveness sets us free and does not let us feel resentment towards other people.

Reflect: Forgiveness doesn't mean we won't remember what happened to us, but it will change how we feel about that event.

2. Forgiveness means living with those who have offended us

When you forgive someone, it doesn't mean you have to be their friend. Forgiveness does not imply reconciliation with the other. What cannot happen is that we hold a grudge and resentment towards someone. A Christian's only enemies are the devil, his demons, and sin (our flesh). Remember that those who follow Jesus do not fight against other people, but against spiritual powers of evil (Ephesians 6:12).

There are situations where the two people do not have a friendly relationship when the offense occurs. For that reason, when forgiveness is released, it doesn't mean you have to be friends with that person. There are situations where even in legal terms there is no possibility of rapprochement and reconciliation between two people, even if there is forgiveness.

Consider: If you have truly forgiven the person, you are under no obligation to live with the person personally.

3. Each offense needs to be forgiven only once.

Sometimes we can think that forgiveness is something that only happens once for every time we are offended. But do we only need to forgive each offense once?

When we forgive, it doesn't mean the pain will instantly disappear. It can even happen, God has the power to do that, but many times we will suffer again because of something they did to us. For that reason, we have to forgive again whenever that pain comes back.

If we don't, we won't live with the freedom that Jesus won for us on the cross. When we remember what happened and feel hurt, it is a sign that we have to forgive again, otherwise we become hostages of negative feelings, and this will seriously harm our lives.

Consider: Throughout life, we will need to forgive certain offenses more than once.

4. People who insist on the error do not deserve forgiveness

When Jesus said in Matthew 18:21-22 that we should forgive up to 70x7, did He mean that we should only forgive 490 times? Do you know someone who is counting how many times they've forgiven someone and when they get to 490 they say, "Okay, I don't need to forgive this person anymore. Has he reached the limit?"

The number mentioned by Jesus is illustrative. When Peter asked Jesus if he should forgive 7 times, he thought he was being generous, as 7 times is a good number to forgive someone. Despite this, Jesus demonstrated how God is much more generous than we are, and we must forgive whenever someone offends us.

Think: We didn't deserve forgiveness either, but God forgave us for his love and grace. So how can we deny someone forgiveness, saying they don't deserve it?

5. To forgive the other, you have to apologize

Many people have the misconception that I can't forgive if the other person hasn't apologized. If we believe that we can only forgive someone if they apologize to us, forgiveness will often be impossible, because many times, some people will never ask us for forgiveness for the offenses caused.

We can forgive even if the other person is far away and we don't have the possibility to know if they are sorry or not. In some cases there may be a need to forgive a person who has died. In this situation, there is not even a possibility that the other person is sorry.

Important to remember: The act of forgiving does not depend on the other person's repentance.

6. Forgiving is something I need to do alone

Have you ever tried to lift a super heavy object that you clearly couldn't lift without help? When we do this there is a high probability of getting hurt. The same happens with forgiveness: many times we will need help to be able to forgive.

Talk to your Christian leader, mention your difficulty, ask for prayer. A person mature in faith will help you deal with negative feelings according to the Bible. As the issue of forgiveness often involves delicate situations, a relationship of trust is necessary for this.

Never forget: Don't talk about sensitive issues with anyone!

To complete

Unforgiveness is like poison: it takes away our joy and prevents us from living the abundant life God wants us to live. So ask God to help you forgive.